Yesterday, I took a MySpace survey, and the question was, "Do you ever lie awake in the morning and think about life?" And my answer was, "No." I've never done that before, no way. I save my thinking for before I fall asleep, because usually that takes me some time. But, I woke up early again this morning, and I had a thought.
I always wonder about what the kateconroy-voza of exactly one year ago would think of me now, and sometimes I imagine her watching me now, like a movie, out of my eyes. And, I had a realization.
All my life, everything I was doing at that time, everything I liked, everything I didn't like, everything I did that defined me as me, I always thought I'd be living just like that for the rest of my life. I thought I was so right at that time, and I would never change, because, A. It was what I liked at the time and I couldn't imagine not liking it or not doing it, and B. I'm very stubborn, and I've always known that.
But, this morning, I realized that, everything I am right now, I have never been before. Last year, I was a totally different person. And, right now, I can't imagine being an inch different next year, but I will be. And, I never let that thought leak into my brain until today.
There will always be somethings that don't change. Like, Twilight, for instance. That's a life-long kind of thing. But, last year around this time, I used to pack on the makeup. But, just months later I had really turned it down, and a few months after that, it was almost down to nothing. But at the time, I pictured myself doing that until I die.
I wonder who I'll be next year, and I wish I could get a glimpse. Like, I'd be able to watch myself for a little while, at random intervals throughout a day, and then at the end of the day, my memory of it would be wiped out. And the same thing the next day.
All Kate's Love.
